I don’t much care for the phone. It wasn’t always this way; I’ve routinely blamed my distaste for the phone on working front-line reception and ADD. There’s something to that.
But. Upon reflection, I realize there’s probably something more. A reaction to something. Like the hysterical phone call from my mom, about this time of year eleven years ago, with news of my little brother’s death. He was 16.
Bad news can be hard to forget.
Then a couple years later, the drunk/drugged/suicidal phone calls from my mom started popping up every so often. Then more and more often. Followed by the call from the police almost seven years ago, asking if I’d heard from my mom in the last few days. And the answering machine message confirming what I knew was true the moment the phone first rang that morning.
Emotional shock on top of emotional shock.
Even so, I don’t know how it got built up like this. Other people get upsetting calls but keep yapping on the phone. But me? When the phone rings, my muscles tense up automatically. I don’t answer calls from unfamiliar numbers; voicemail is met with apprehension. I just plow through it because I have to, but it’s always a source of anxiety.
The phone is also cognitively harder for me, more so now than it was 15 years ago when you could hardly pry it from my hands. I can function alright on scheduled, focused work calls and teleconferences, but I have to really work at paying attention. And with cognitive side effects and/or symptomatic dysfunction, there are times I can’t remember the start of my sentence or what I was talking about just six words ago. It’s embarrassing and much harder to gracefully cover on the phone than in the text of an email.
So I haven’t made a purely social, conversational phone call to anyone but family in years now. Sound a little isolating? Yeah. But no one has called me either.
I don’t necessarily want it to stay this way. Just sayin’.
DeeDee,
I’m very, truly sorry about your mother. My heart goes to you, and your family.
I have a similar relationship with the phone: if it’s not a company calling for a payment arrangement, it is bad news, and I dread the ringtone, the voice mail, and even the moment before call display shows the caller.
We’d be honoured to have you on the other end of the phone, though. Or is you’re ever up for a Skype call…
Le Clown
Skype is definitely the way to go – good call, no pun intended. I do better with scheduled contact so I can be “prepared” as I’m awful at recovering from being interrupted.
Sometime, Le Clown.
Sending you love.
And the clown makes a good point about Skype. Perhaps something like that medium would be less triggering.
Actually, that’s a very good point. I’m totally fine with Skype since I’m very comfortable with online teleconferences. Video is even better since the richer medium helps – video Skype is almost like a normal conversation. Almost.
thanks for sharing this. My problem with the phone is that, when someone is talking to me on the phone, It is like I miss bits and pieces. Like I can’t hear what they are saying. I think there is a name for that, but it has to do with being nervious. But if it is not my mom or my kids on the phone, I am too busy trying to get use to the strange vioce to really get what they are saying lol. I am so sorry to hear about the events in your life that have affected you in this way. (((hugs)))
There’s something called Central Auditory Processing Disorder that might have to do with that – worth a look anyway. I know what you mean about missing bits and pieces, but I get that from not paying 100% attention 100% of the time.
I feel you on the phone thing, but not for the same specific reason. Mine was a combination of being intentionally handed to someone nasty when calling customer service (who told me angrily I would take a free month of their service, refused to cancel me as requested, and slammed the phone down on me), and working in an environment where you could hear 100 different phones ring clearly across the warehouse building at all hours of the day and night. So yes, I might have been a gabby teen, but now… *shudders*
Amazing how much those experiences can shape our behavior, isn’t it?
Ayup! I’d be more annoyed by it if I didn’t prefer text-based communications. At least, in that, I have a vague chance of getting brain and words to sync up.
I feel you on the phone thing, too. My problem is jumping at the ring of cell phone. I keep my own phone on vibrate. I don’t have many triggers, but the sound of a cell phone ringing loudly and endlessly is one of them…It stems from being stalked on my cell phone (when they just came out) by an abusive ex-lover who wouldn’t leave me alone.
Yikes, that’s certainly a good reason to avoid the phone. Unscheduled calls tend to be really hard for me because of attention switching overhead, but when it comes to ringing phones… I have what is sometimes called a “high startle reflex” (GAD symptom) and the phone will trigger it like anything else. If anyone ever called me, I’d have to start keeping my phone in my purse instead of my pocket, or else I’d shriek every time it rang!