Not very nice, or very smart, but a cat nonetheless.
Mr. Chickadee took his 19-year-old cat for her final trip to the vet this weekend. She hadn’t eaten in a week, and the vet confirmed acute renal failure. I was sad to see her go, mostly because it makes my hubby sad, but it was just time.
To be honest, I won’t really miss the cat. She was always Mr. Chickadee’s cat, and I was never particularly enamored of her. We tolerated one another, and jealously shared Mr. Chickadee’s attention.
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Lately I’ve been busy, and depressed, and now I’m traveling (hypomania trigger, whee!) and also planning to disclose bipolar and ADD to Supervisor #2 (panic trigger, ack!) So it’s been stressful and I’ve not been writing as much as I’d like.
At least I’m starting to get back up to speed for work, despite a few days of uncontrollable crying, which makes me grateful that I can work from home. I was just shy of making an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist, but things have gotten a bit better despite, or because of, all the current situational stress. Miserable as it’s been – that much crying is utterly exhausting – it’s just more fuel to the fire to pursue the “WTF, Hormones?” line of investigation.
Write What You Feel: Sad, but a bit hopeful, anticipating an interesting trip. Worried almost to tears, yet again, about the rejection that could come from talking to my supervisor about being bipolar. Grateful I could do some work, but my memory is fraying. I lose the train of conversation so easily that I feel stupid all the time, certain that others can see my loss of mental acuity. Frustrated and angry with my own cognitive incompetence, trying not to despair at the predictable unpredictability of it all. It’s so gray all the time. So dark. If the sun won’t come to me, I will go to it.
Sorry to hear about the kitty Kat. That is a ripe old age x
I know, right? She was SO old. And up until fairly recently she was still pretty playful. She was a lucky cat.
I am so sorry to hear about Mr. Chickadee’s cat dying. You were probably smart to not get so attached. Losing an animal that you have a great attachment to is such a hard thing to go through. Good luck in telling your other supervisor about your conditions. I hope that all goes well. xx
Well, she and I really never got along all that well. But he’s having a hard time since she was his companion for so long.
beautiful kitty.
She was pretty in her day. Toward the end she was rather emaciated and her fur not so plush. But that happens to the best of us, I suppose…
exactly.
I am also all of those things. But I love the way my mind works. It is what it is..I don’t battle it. I understand it and it keeps me busy. But it is exhausting I understand that.
I have learned to do things before I get to the point your describing but I had to find the right medications before I could. I can also feel it coming on, curious if you can also? Head for sunshine and I can tell you not to worry about your employers but it won’t stop you. But I can tell you they will be impressed by your honesty. My only problem is you beat yourself up so bad I want to tell you to stop. It is what it is and I think this makes it worse for you. I have learned to love myself despite not being perfect, for not having the perfect mind. Mine is more fun because its constant entertainment and I have more energy then ten people. There are things to find that you love about your mind and yourself. I hope you find them. Please look because hopefully you will be as impressed as I am with your writing and your honesty.
RIP Cat
Thanks! I like the way my mind works, but some of the symptoms can be distressing.
I can’t necessarily feel hypomania coming on, just not good enough at detecting that yet. And I don’t want to suspect every good, energetic, happy day is hypomania coming on.
Having the right meds and doing individual therapy and DBT both is really helping me get to the point where I can figure out what’s going on with me a little more often, but it takes some time to get there.
I’m working on the perfectionism stuff, but that’s going to take awhile too… And thanks for the compliments!