About 15 months ago, I decided I really needed to do something about my weight. Well into the “obese” range, my body was really weighing me down, in more ways than one. So I decided, this needs to change.
That’s all well and good, as long as you actually change your behaviors. I’m a great one for deciding to do something and then somehow believing that it will therefore happen without further ado (for the record, it usually doesn’t work out.)
Mission Accomplished! Next goal: BMI 30
Anyway, back to the point: I hit my round-number weight goal last week! Hurray! Of course, this is just the first (and most overly ambitious) such milestone, because I still have a long way to go. Even though the next week or two will pop up a few pounds back over the line, the general trend is still downward.
I wish I could say it was just a matter of effort, but piety alone won’t get you into heaven. I have always eaten healthy foods, but now I am in more control of what, when, and how much I eat. The switch to Wellbutrin proper has done wonders for managing my appetite. More stable blood levels of medicine means I don’t get depressive symptoms in the evening, and therefore don’t binge right before bed.
Magically, somehow, I can now tell when I’ve had enough to eat, before I’m even full, and can actually stop eating! It’s simply amazing. If you’ve always been 100% in control of your eating, there’s no way I can explain this to you, but it’s an incredibly empowering feeling. I am in control, not my belligerent gut! Yes, there are times when I feel extremely hungry and I just ignore it and down a glass of water, but when my stomach growls and my head starts complaining, then it’s time for a snack.
Keen Sula sneakers in pink camo, for $30! Image credits to Keen Shoes.
Feeling fully justified in celebratory spending for hitting my weight goal, I bought a few wardrobe necessities – lightweight longsleeve shirts in the correct size for layering, a belt to keep my ever-loosening pants from showing crack, and cute shoes, just because I deserved them and they were on an awesome sale. I’ve been swapping clothes in and out of storage for awhile; today I took all the remaining “too small” items back to my closet because they won’t be too small for much longer – if I can keep up the pace, that is.
This feels SO good. I feel like I’m suddenly in a new leaner body, though the actual change is small and gradual. It accumulates – I’ve gone down two cup sizes (32H, woohoo!), lost two underpants sizes, dropped two jeans sizes, and instead of 1X, I’m sporting tops in a standard size large! I might not be the epitome of healthy, sexy, mid-30′s womanhood just now, but I sure look and feel a hell of a lot better than I did this time last year. Besides, the confidence gained from feeling better about my health and appearance is a magnifier of all that’s attractive.
Losing the original 25 pounds actually required losing 35 pounds.
Just that little bit of positive feedback was all I needed. Success begets success. I am confident that I’ll lose the next 5 pounds and limbo myself right into the “overweight” category. As I lose more, it shows more – I’m starting to see the shape of my face change, bringing an overwhelming sense of relief. As if I’m becoming me again. Or perhaps a better version of me.
The concrete changes are minimal: I take more walks and I eat less. Very practical, right? I’ve been tracking my exercise against mood scores and coping for some time, and when I get more exercise, I cope better. I really do have to make exercise part of my daily routine, like it or not (usually not), so I’ve added a daily to-do list reminder to make it harder to ignore. I can already walk up the hills faster and breathe easier while I do it. That alone is a meaningful accomplishment for me, but it can vanish in just a few days of sloth.
I’m not counting calories because I’m neurotic enough about tracking and details already. I don’t snack much in the evenings anymore, and I try to stick to things like frosted shredded wheats rather than cookies. I cook whole-food veggie-laden dishes using my trained-from-toddlerhood healthy cooking skills as often as I have the energy and ingredients. I eat much lighter, but more often, which also keeps my blood sugar more stable.
It’s more work keeping on top of tracking my physical activity, reminding myself to get outside and move around, and preparing healthy meals. I just have to care enough about myself to put a priority on doing these simple things that so dramatically improve my quality of living.
It’s an amazing feeling, when the changes go past desires and you truly see the results. In the last 3 years I lost over one hundred pounds I’d carried for over 15 years. Last year I walked into The Gap and nearly passed out when jeans fit me! It’s hard work and there were lots of setbacks, but once you start feeling the results it gets so much easier.
Congrats to you! That’s such an enormous accomplishment.
I’ve lost a lot of weight before, but grad school did me in all over again. And I know what you mean about The Gap fitting – I bought my layering tops at Old Navy and was simply shocked that their size L fit without making me cringe!
Congratulations !!! You go Girl !!!
Thanks! I aim to keep at it.
DeeDee,
Congratulation on your efforts, and on follow-through them, mostly.
Eric
Merci, Eric! Little changes, one at a time – that’s what works best if you want it to last.
I am so glad that you are suceeding with your diet. I have struggled for a couple of years now with binging and and using food as a comfort. All the while, I have still continued to say I am dieting lol. Your post today has given me some motivation that I really need! Thanks! Keep going girl! Keep us posted about your sucesses. xx
I’m not dieting. I never diet.
“Diet” suggests a temporary change of eating habits. A permanent change is what most of us need. Dieting until we hit some particular number or other is just begging to regain the weight once we stop that temporary arrangement.
Instead, I’d rather consider it a shift to healthier lifestyle choices.
your right. I am trying to do that as well. I started counting calories and realized that some days I was eating too little and they were the wrong things and then other times, I went way over. So I realized that the idea was to get into a habit of eating the right foods and then you can actually eat more.
Calorie counting really, really helped me the last time I needed to lose a lot of weight. And it does help you get more of a sense of what the right foods are.
My personal strategy (when I bother, that is) is to eat high fiber low calorie foods. You can absolutely stuff yourself on a salad that uses a romaine heart, can of tuna, and an ounce of feta – for under 300 calories. The less processed the food is, the better your bang for the buck nutritionally – I like to think of calories as the price I pay for my nutrients.
Yaaaay! I’m so happy for you. For sure, being in charge of your body has so many benefits, mental, emotional, and physical, that I would run out of pages writing them all down. Here’s lookin’ at you, Doc!
Of course, I have to catastrophize a little here – isn’t my attitude a little like anorexia?
But seriously, it’s so empowering to feel like I’m in control of anything, much less something as important and yet defiant as my own body.
wellbrutin? isn’t that a antidepressant? does that address hypo symptoms at night (even tho glucose levels are in normal range?) how is is helping the appetite? pretty cool you lose some weight, makes a person feel good especially if the diet is something your comfortable with (not struggling to hard to stick to)
Yes, Wellbutrin is an antidepressant, and it does not address hypo symptoms (that’s what the Lamictal is for…)
I tend to binge eat when depressed and generic bupropion is not equivalent to brand-name Wellbutrin. The biggest difference is that the generics are not truly extended release, so the meds are depleted in the body much sooner than they should be and there’s not much left in my system by 9 PM. Cue low-grade depression and stuffing my face. However, with proper extended release medication (the very expensive brand name version), it’s not wearing off every evening, and I not only don’t eat my way through the evening, but I wake up much better in the morning.
And it’s not a diet. It’s just eating smarter.
Good for you!
Way to go, DeeDee! Very inspiring. .
YAY!!
Way to go, DeeDee!! I know it’s hard to lose weight on some of the meds we have to take, but NOT impossible. Good for you for not using meds (or anything else) as an excuse not to try to be healthier.
When I went off Zyprexa in October ’12, I was 29 lbs. heavier than I am now; just a few tweaks to my eating patterns and moving around a little more have made a difference. I have a big mental block on the exercise thing; what I have to do is tell myself that I’m doing it for *mood stabilization*, rather than weight loss. I’m unable to exercise hard enough or long enough to do any good in that department, but I feel so much better mood-wise when I do what little activity I can do.
Of course, I’ve got a LOT more to lose than most people (at my highest weight ever I was 362 lbs!!) and will never be thin. But the amount of weight loss is less important than the feeling of having *some* control over food and weight, after many years of believing my food and weight issues controlled ME.
Keep up the good work, my friend, and please keep us posted on your progress!
My meds are all supposed to be weight-neutral. I’ve been lucky to avoid the stuff with weight/metabolic and/or sexual side effects, for the most part. Zyprexa is supposed to be really nasty in the weight gain department.
It’s amazing how much those little changes can make, isn’t it? They’re more sustainable too. I doubt I’ll ever be thin either, but at least I can be healthier, feel better in my skin, and have fewer physical limitations.
So much of it is about control – mood swings make me feel like I have none, though that’s not at all true. At the same time, I have to suppress the urge to try to control everything, because that’s just plain impossible!
I am so, so proud of you, dollface! Really, this is such a major deal, and I’m happy it’s making you happy. Also, I love the shoes.
7 lbs since Denver!
I absolutely love the shoes – they’re perfect, although I could do with something other than pink camo. I have as many pairs of pink/red shoes as black ones. I need to diversify.
Congrats to you – 47 lbs is a big deal! So is being in remission – pretty much a pipe dream for some of us, but I’ll take what I can get.
Haven’t seen Homeland yet, but it’s sort of on the viewing queue. Curious to see how Claire Danes plays it.
Well done you!! Congratulations. Wish you well to wear your new shoes and clothes – always nice going on a bit of a shopping spree when losing weight! Please God I’ll be joining you in weight loss sometime soon!
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