Tags
anxiety, crisis, crying, depression, emergency, friend, Pristiq, psyciatrists
I snapped at my therapist yesterday morning. He looked pretty surprised and told me I get a pass because I was in such a state. I poured out my frustrations, he told me to be more assertive in seeking care, and that he’d be happy to interfere on my behalf. I promised to pet my dog when I got home, but almost as soon as I closed the car door, I started crying. Again. Just a little, though.
By the time I got home, however, I was crying buckets. Ironically, this was the day of the Fresh Pressing of my Canvas post on asking for help. The recent depression has been wearing me down for awhile, but (again) I needed someone else to help me decide to make the call.
So I reached out to the one person to whom I felt I could really reveal the things that are worrying me (a first). Fortunately, my friend is a very wise, experienced, and brilliantly honest gal, so she made no bones about it – I needed help today, not next week at my regularly scheduled appointment. Since I was all tears and snot and headache and exhaustion and indecision, I knew she was right.
For a few minutes after hanging up the phone, I distracted myself, trying to talk myself out of or into it. My eyes blurred with tears as I pulled out my phone, took a deep breath, and pushed the call button; I made an emergency appointment with the psych’s office (another first). I got in same day, but with someone I’ve never met before. It seemed a better choice, under the circumstances, than waiting until Thursday for my usual PNP.
I hate the name and ads for this drug, but hopefully it’ll help.
So I put aside my pride and sat down with the new nurse. She started by taking my blood pressure, and asked if I was on meds for hypertension! No, just massive anxiety. She hadn’t reviewed my files, so I had to give her a quick run-down. To my shock (pun intended), the first thing she suggested was ECT! I said that’s not an option – my brain is all I have, I can’t risk the memory loss, and there are many other options that haven’t been tried yet. We selected an antidepressant that should complement my current cocktail – Pristiq – which is a brand drug and therefore requires Prior Auth by the insurance company. And the nurse who takes care of that paperwork had just left, which would mean at least a day delay – not acceptable in this situation.
So the NP dug through the magic closet of samples and produced 2 one-week packs of Pristiq. She also suggested getting in line for an appointment with the Psychiatrist Himself, who’s supposed to be an excellent psychopharmacologist. And on Monday I’ll still have my last appointment with my beloved PNP, so we’ll strategize further at that point.
I’m sort of glad I chose to act, but at the same time, worried about side effects, changing psych nurses, and the fact that I can’t keep up with my work while I’m doing all of this stuff. I’m trying to do what I can but right now that’s pretty limited. I’m exhausted and my head feels all weird. So I’m laying low, again, and hoping to do just enough work to keep me from fretting.
I’m so sorry to hear that you were hit so hard with it. Your friend is a great friend for convincing you to not just let it go. (((hugs)))
Thanks, Lala. I’ve just been told so many times now, by people I trust, that I figured I should take their advice.
The depression seems to get nasty very quickly lately. Probably partly seasonal, but there are just so many things going on with my body, it’s hard to tell up from down.
(((hugs))) I hope this state is short lived.
You did the absolutely perfect thing! Pat yourself on the back for doing just that, it’s a baby step. And your doing just that! I am sending positive thoughts your way. And hoping for the very best for you.
Thanks so much – that’s what I keep telling myself, baby steps, one thing at a time. I have to test the waters; once bitten, twice shy, as they say.
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I hope you find that special next person to stabilize things. Keep taking charge! Blessings to you.
God, it’s all so messy. Good on ya for being assertive, self-caring, proactive. A difficult endeavour for people like us.
Good luck with the new ingredient in the cocktail. xo
It’s getting messier all the time, which is making me feel helpless and frustrated. Depending on how things go Monday, I have a couple of different strategies in mind to cut through the BS.
But I’ve just about had it. It’s been 2 years of nearly constant med changes now. If I hadn’t been out of my head when I was last in the office, I might have been able to better guide the nurse toward an appropriate drug selection. In any case, not going back to that one…
It can be hard to bring yourself to that point. Emergency and urgency and depression just don’t mix well. Good job on getting there and good luck making it through <3
Thanks – unfortunately the meds don’t act like it’s an emergency. They take a couple weeks to build up, and in the meantime, there’s the side effects to make your misery that much worse.
Which is why I’d never gone in on an emergency appointment before. Today is considerably better (side effects aside) but there’s no way to determine whether new drugs had anything to do with it or if the cycle just righted itself. I tend to believe the latter.
On a side note, have you read “Manic” by Terri Cheney?
Yep. Quite dramatic – I’m glad my symptoms aren’t like that!
I hope so too! Thanks – the coming month is shaping up to be quite a challenge already.
You go girl. Seriously, well done for reaching out for the help that you both need and deserve. Best of luck with the new medication x
Thanks, A – I’m not holding my breath on the new antidepressant. The more research I do, the worse it looks in terms of antidepressant options. I guess we’ll see how it goes.
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Good for you! It’s always better to do SOMETHING than nothing. Or, so I hear. I don’t always do what I need to do to help myself either. Unless i rationalize that drinking wine really IS helping!
Hear hear! I’ve gotten pretty good at not rationalizing that wine is helping, but sometimes it’s damn tasty nonetheless.
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