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Honesty is my policy on this blog, and I honestly feel like there’s no end in sight. My meds have been changing almost constantly for well over a year. I feel like I’m having pills thrown at me, although my PNP (whom I’m about to lose) has been really thoughtful about what to try. I feel like a sad, sick guinea pig. And I’m starting to get angry about it.
Tusle: day 1 by Kibondo, CC BY-NC.
When I went in for the emergency appointment last week, I took what I was given; I didn’t have my wits about me enough to discuss options in any depth. I did make sure the nurse checked my meds sensitivity sheet, and then we basically picked something off the menu. This time an SNRI, since the last SSRI did not work out.
I was suspicious, even through brain fog and crying hangover, because desvenlafaxine (Pristiq) is closely related to venlafaxine (Effexor), which didn’t work for me 14 years ago. I know why Pristiq was green-listed while Effexor was red-listed, but the point is, all this assumes that something that increases my serotonin levels is going to help.
I’ll admit, I’ve only tried 5 drugs in the SSRI, SNRI, and NRI classes. They were all bad news, with the same side effect profile every damn time, sometimes downright disabling. They have not been particularly effective, either, which adds up to the cure being worse than the disease. I’m on the verge of saying “never again” to all SSRIs, SNRIs, NRIs, and TCAs, because they all work on serotonin and norepinephrine.
There’s much more I could say because I’ve spent hours researching these drugs over the last few days, but I can’t. I’m too tired. I’m too sick. You don’t need all that detail. The bottom line is that these antidepressants are making me feel poisoned and desperate.
I am honestly so sick of psych meds and their side effects that I’ve been obsessed with the notion of quitting them all for weeks now. After all, my current problems could be entirely iatrogenic.
The only way to know that is with a medication wash-out. I plan to ask about it at my appointment tomorrow. How long would it take? Would I need to take a leave of absence to do it? Would it need to be supervised, i.e., inpatient or partial outpatient? I’ve been on some of these drugs for 13 years now, and I can’t help but think my body might like a break.
I don’t like prescription medication of any kind and psych meds even less. I do hope you can find a combination that works for you, best of luck!
Thanks – so far I have found three that have worked really, really well, but it’s still not quite enough. I’m hoping that getting some endocrine issues under control will be the magic bullet.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling lousy. I’m going to say something here that I have said to you before, and I hope you won’t be offended if I say it again.
Antidepressants do not work for bipolar depression. They either make it worse, or else they do nothing and you just get to enjoy the side-effects.
Antidepressants do not work for bipolar depression.
The reason, according to my neuropsychiatrist, is that bipolar disorder works like a seizure disorder, complete with kindling. That is why anti-epileptics do work.
Of course everybody is different, but for me, VItamins L& L (Lithium and Lamectil) work wonders. If my depression goes beyond that, I go for rTMS (Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation), which is a God-given wonderful blessing.
It’s just that antidepressants don’t work for bipolar depression.
I hear you loud and clear! And I totally respect your medical expertise.
As far as the usual antidepressants go, I’m with you – they’re not doing anything and the side effects suck. My adrenal system seems to be really sensitive, so anything with a strong effect on norepinephrine (or epinephrine) hurts me something fierce. I also have a 5HTR2A mutation that means I’m extremely likely to have side effects from most serotonergic drugs.
A lot of what I’m experiencing has strong similarities to dopamine deficiency – I’ve been researching it quite a bit over the last few days. It could explain why Wellbutrin and Adderall have worked very well for me, most of the time – one’s a reuptake inhibitor and the other’s a releasing agent. There’s exactly one more antidepressant I’m willing to try based on my dopamine hypothesis, but it’s a long shot.
Lamictal? Freaking miracle drug. I can’t believe how much things improved on Lamictal. We tried reducing the Wellbutrin after that but it didn’t go well. Unfortunately Lamictal interacts with estrogen – if it interacts with hormonal birth control, it interacts with your normal cycle, and there’s something funky going on with my endocrine system. But we couldn’t figure that out until I got stabilized on Lamictal.
Oh, and let’s not forget the weird endocrine crap going on – if I could get that settled, maybe I wouldn’t need any of the rest of this stuff. If, if, if.
I also can’t take anti-depressants. Lamictal is the only medication I can take. I spent years trying to find the right medication that worked. It made me swing, or I was severely depressed on it. I also develop a toxicity to medications including antibiotics.
I am so sorry and I know this is very hard for you. You are a warrior! I know you get tired of it but you keep going until you find your right answer. That is a sign of a very strong woman. Best Wishes
Thanks so much, Sherrie! I had tolerated the first couple meds I tried so well that I was lulled into a false sense of security. But just about everything new since Lamictal has been awful.
I’ll get something worked out at some point, I’m sure. It’s just so disheartening when there’s so much uncertainty. At least I’m learning something through the experience, right?
I have given up on any medication since the side effects were too disruptive and taking the medication did not solve any of the issues. If some days I wish I had the reprieve they gave me to have a decent day, the whole going back and build up would take too long and bring another period of fake happiness and an even longer period of cleaning my body of the drug.
In any case, I hope you will find the right course of action and will feel better soon.
Thanks, hopefully I can figure out a good direction in my appointment today.
DeeDee, I know you’re going through a bad patch, and I know you’re tired…..but please DO NOT stop any medications cold turkey. That could destabilize you even more than you already are, and give you some mean side effects in the bargain.
I tried going off Celexa last summer because my pdoc is VERY uncomfortable prescribing me an antidepressant in the first place (I do tend to switch into hypomania with little provocation), and he asked me to experiment with being without it for a couple of weeks. I was on only 10 mg/day, which is a very small dose, so neither of us figured I’d even notice its absence.
Well, it took about two days to notice symptoms of withdrawal, and then I was thrown into the mixed episode from Hell…..by the time the two weeks were over, my family was ready to throw me out of the house, if only they could stop me from committing suicide before they packed my bags. It’s funny now, but it was terrifying then; when I finally called my pdoc for help, he apologized all over the place for taking me off the Celexa and restarted me on it immediately.
I’d hate for anything like that to happen to you. If you feel the need to lighten your medication load, please work with your NP or a pdoc to taper down slowly. I know it sucks to take meds all the time, especially when they have so many side effects, but it also sucks to have uncontrolled bipolar symptoms that interfere with everyday life and threaten your well-being, your relationships, and your work. Take care, hon.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop meds without proper supervision.
The hell of it is, I have been really satisfied with my base combo of Wellbutrin, Lamictal, and Adderall with Ativan as PRN. Except when it’s not enough. And when it’s not enough, it’s really not enough.
If I could just get my damn estrogen levels looked at, maybe there would be some kind of solution. As it is, I feel fated to play out this comedy of errors month after month after month. I just can’t stand much more of that.
I hear ya. I know how it is when the meds work, and then suddenly you hit a rough patch where NOTHING is enough. My menstrual cycle used to throw me into chaos every month; I didn’t know about the bipolar then, but I wonder now if that was why I was such a crazy bitch around my period. Or maybe it was just the birth control pills, which gave me migraines and/or made me psychotic, or a hormonal imbalance.
Thankfully, I’m long past that time of life and have no estrogen left, and I don’t miss it one. little. bit. Hope you can get your stuff figured out so you don’t have to go through the rest of your reproductive years in misery like I did.
I’d happily ditch the entire baby-making apparatus since I have no intention of using it for the intended purpose. The estrogen fluctuations take me from space case to deeply depressed to sharp as a tack to mildly depressed to not half bad, and then back to the start. Pretty much every damn month.
I wish there was a fast-acting antidepressant option. My fingers are crossed that ketamine is found safe and approved for that, whether or not I could take it, because so many people need that right-now help so badly.
DeeDee – I have had experiences with the SNRIs, SSRIs, for a long time as well and also thought they were all the same and they did not work for me. However there is an atypical antidepressant that works differently from those and was the only one which really has worked for me. It is called Wellbutrin, have you ever tried it? Maybe you should give it a try and see what happens if you have not done so already. Good luck! Here us the link to info abut it… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wellbutrin
Thanks for the suggestion – Wellbutrin is the only effective medication I’ve taken for depression. I’ve been on it for 13 years and counting, and now get the brand-name Wellbutrin XL because it works so much better than generics.
It’s odd how different some meds are even in the same class. For instance, I’ve taken 4 SSRIs–Celexa, Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro (I think they’re all SSRIs?), and they’ve all had varying degrees of side effects and success. Celexa and Lexapro are especially related, or so I’m told, and my responses to them were totally different. Maybe Pristiq could work, then? Might it be worth a shot? I don’t know.
13 years, jeez . . . trying to wean myself on something I’d been on for so long would make me extremely nervous. It’s a tough decision, and I wish you luck with it all.
The main thing impacting my conclusion about all the antidepressants is the combination of experience and gene testing results. I’m just not willing to keep subjecting myself to that misery until we’ve tried a whole lot of other things first. If ever.
Due to just two gene variations, I require high doses of most drugs and have a high risk of more severe side effects from anything that messes with serotonin. Those effects seem to be multiplicative, so not only am I at high risk of severe side effects to start, increased dosages to get to a therapeutic level nearly guarantee intolerable side effects.
It looks like I’m also hypersensitive to anything that messes with epinephrine or norepinephrine on top of it. Fun, eh?
I’m with you my friend. I know how nasty and cruel it is to search and search for a medication that can just help you out even a little! I hope you’ll find something very soon.
I counted up how many meds I’ve tried last night, and well, I got to at least 12 anti-depressants (amongst mood stabilisers etc), 5 sleep meds and 5 anti-anxiety medications. I literally lost count.
All the best to all of us. X
Wow, that’s awful, like poor Ruby and the 70-odd meds she’s tried. I don’t know how you can do it.
I added up my lists and I’ve tried only 5 antidepressants, 2 anxiety meds, and 4 ADD meds. Plus 3 birth control pills aimed primarily at mood stabilization, and one mood stabilizer proper.
It gets to be too much so fast, and it’s very hard to figure out which drugs are helping, hurting, or both. I really hope you find some kind of relief too. It’s no way to live.
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