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Monday started out full of anxiety and worry, plus three appointments: the PNP (psychiatric nurse practitioner), Hippie Dude (therapist), and the DBT group. Between that and the requisite pharmacy stop, there was time for only one work task all day.

It began with the PNP – let’s call her Nurse Nycta, since her awesome blonde-with-black-and-purple hair reminds me of night-herons. I went in armed with my entire binder of medical info (nowhere as impressive as Ruby’s) and was ready to wrap things up as best we could. Like a space cadet, or someone who’s been out of her head with depression and side effects for much too long, I assumed my appointment was the usual 9:20, and showed up at 9. It was at 10:20. Fortunately, I had a book.

Anyway, after just a week, we felt 99.44% certain that a therapeutic dose of Pristiq would cause panic attacks and side effects that demand immediate discontinuation. It’s become a clear case of hypersensitivity and genetic contraindication – for literally every antidepressant except one (Wellbutrin). I handed back the second sample pack and that was that.

Here we go again...

Here we go again…

There’s no question that real issue to clear up first is this pesky estrogen thing. Estrogen basically messes with everything in your head. And then some. Nurse Nycta prescribed a birth control pill, even though it’s not her usual purvey. Making me wait for a gynecologist’s blessing would be downright cruel, and I just can’t afford to keep losing so much time. We’ll follow up in two weeks, but I’ve decided to follow her when she changes employers. It’s a huge relief.

After acquiring a copy of all my labs to date (knowledge is power, yo) I was off to the pharmacy with a renewed sense of hope and a touch of optimism, both of which have been sorely missing of late. The new pills (a generic for Desogen) have quite possibly the worst drug name yet: Emoquette. I mean, seriously, who names this stuff? Yeah, I’m an emo coquette. Right.

Next stop was Hippie Dude for the therapy appointment I made during last week’s total freakout. It was a good discussion; we talked about the meltdown, all the medical care changes, the Intrusive Thoughts, and the notion of getting off psych meds. We’ll see where that goes, but don’t worry, I won’t do anything rash or stupid.

Finally, DBT group topped off the long day. It was actually a really good session, aside from Peppy Mommy being all “me me me”. Since I blogged the entire sequence of DBT from the first round and I’m tired of writing about it, I’ll just be making updates here and there going forward.

I’m grateful to be in a much better place than last week. A little hope goes a very long way.

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