I keep meaning to write a blog post. It nags at my mind, like so many other “shoulds” that I just can’t seem to eradicate except on my best days.
I don’t have carefully developed content for you today, and don’t expect to for a little while to come. February is pretty much always hard on me, but I’ll be traveling to Texas next week, so that will be a good distraction.
All is well, or at least well enough for now. Progress is being made. I got myself a new general practitioner and I’m working on a couple more doctor changes. It seems a bit ridiculous at times, doesn’t it?
The added estrogen and progesterone really do seem to be helping. My PNP says it’ll take about three months for my system to really settle in, but for now, it’s a big improvement because cognitive function is pretty much where it should be.
Emotional function, well, I’m not so sure. It’s kind of interesting to see how sharply emotion and cognition can be divided. Usually it all goes to hell together, or so it has seemed lately. I don’t often get the situation where cognition is good but emotion is…off…
It’s a different sort of uncomfortable. Better, but not right. I can’t quite tell yet whether it’s that slow sinking or flat affect or maybe something else entirely. I can tell that there’s a sharp increase in anxiety; the more functional I am, the more I expect of myself. At least I realize there’s a problem with that, right?
I suspect that the increased estrogen is further suppressing already low lamotrigine levels (per my labs 2 months ago) with the paradoxical effect that as some symptoms improve, others degrade. It’s all so complicated. Bit by bit, it’ll get worked out, but doing that without putting the rest of my life on hold – that seems to be the hard part.
Sounds good. Glad you are feeling better x
Me too!
Hey DeeDee, I’m also having a weird disconnect between thought and emotion. I’m blaming it on just starting Lamictal and getting used to the confusion side effects.
I’m proud of you for sticking this out and getting all your health/med stuff under control.
I never had any confusion side effects from Lamictal, though I periodically have issues with word-finding.
It’s a long road to try to get this stuff figured out, no question.
Have fun in Texas, the best state. I erm… might be biased. *grins*
Not a huge fan of TX in general, but very pleased to be going somewhere warm and sunny, since it’s been quite cold and grey in my area for awhile now…
“the more functional I am, the more I expect of myself”
Very well said. I’m also on lamotrigine and I can attest to that weird connected disconnection to which you are referring. It’s odd, like wearing an itchy sweater when you’re freezing cold. I hope you acclimate to it well.
Huh, that’s interesting. I was going to say that seemed unfamiliar, but actually, when I was titrating onto Lamictal a little over a year ago, I remember a lot more mental clarity before moods stabilized.
DeeDee, I’m just glad to see you posting again =) As far as I’m concerned, you can post your grocery list and I’ll read it. LOL
What you said about being more functional equaling increased anxiety rings so true! I’ve been on a big upswing at work, and the better things get, the more I worry about when it all goes to hell again. A good portion of it is due to having had a fire lit under me by the powers that be; but to be totally honest, I can thank a nice bout of hypomania that’s lasted for a couple of weeks.
I’m floating down to reality gently this time rather than crashing into the pits, and I think that’s the Geodon because I usually go down like a rock. But I’ve noticed that I’m having more trouble with executive function and memory than ever before, and even though I’m sleeping better and losing more weight, I wonder if I’m on too many meds (4 psych meds alone plus melatonin). And yet, I seem to need all of them to manage my life. Who knows??
Continued best wishes for you on your quest for the right combination and a more stable existence. You are an inspiration to me!
You’re so sweet! Thanks.
Glad the come-down isn’t so harsh for you this time around. I have done a ton of that “too many drugs” sort of mental debating recently. And I know I seem to need them all, but… Well, it’s hard to know how much things might right themselves, biologically, if given an adequate chance. Unfortunately, I can’t afford the time to try that.
Cognition and emotion are often disjunctive for me, so I understand, lol. It can be confusing, and eventually the off one might bleed into the not-off one. At least you have seen some improvement, and you seem pretty aware of what’s going on.
Yeah, it’s just a weird adjustment. It’s actually not that unfamiliar, but it’s been awhile; it reminds me a lot more of the MDD-type depression as opposed to the “atypical” bipolar depression. If that makes any sense.