I feel so good today… Actually, to be honest – a little uneasy, a touch edgy. The last few days, I’ve been consciously, deliberately practicing not worrying about when the good stuff will end, but it keeps creeping back in.
Everything has been great, to be honest. I’ve been really productive work-wise, with a paper accepted, another two submitted, and the next one goes in next week. Our vacation to visit family in Michigan went smoothly, despite a jot of irritability on my part and some mind-bending cramps. I really can’t complain.
Even the never-ending health issues seem to be moving along OK. I’m seeing an allergist next week because this year I’ve been suffering from evil seasonal allergies – constant ear congestion, plus the occasional sinus misery. Claritin is helping, at a double dose due to my crazy drug metabolism, but I’m thankful for the relief.
After three months of monitoring and a series of carefully-timed blood tests for hormone levels, my estrogen and progesterone levels are both on the low side of normal. Normal enough that the overall trend would be overlooked with standard treatment, but low enough to cause problems. I’ve agreed to try the simplest, easiest treatment first – progesterone supplementation – but if that doesn’t do it, hCG and low-dose naltrexone are waiting in the wings. Here’s hoping a little extra progesterone is enough.
Unfortunately, I’ll probably start hormone treatment right on top of a major paper deadline and another vacation/business combo trip. Not really knowing what to expect, it’s a little terrifying – and it won’t help on this cycle, but should improve things next month. Fingers crossed, folks.
Otherwise, things remain remarkably good. I’m spending all my free time with my husband, and most of that goes to maintaining the household. Lately we’re doing a lot of food preservation – freezing fresh peaches from the farmer’s market and making applesauce and fruit leather from the branch-breaking bumper crop of apples that popped up in our yard this year. Occasionally I paint my toenails or go birding. Most evenings and weekends I’ve been offline, watching Netflix with Mr. Chickadee, bustling around attending to my nest, and largely ignoring “reality” in favor of reality. It’s been nice.
It can’t last. I have to start writing job applications – like, now. I agreed to a bunch of stuff while functioning well that will probably plague me later, like co-organizing a workshop in February. What was I thinking? I basically lose it in February!
Readjusting from vacation hasn’t exactly been jumping right back in where I left off. I’m tripping over anxiety again, but not quite falling, so I’m (desperately) trying not to slow down, but I can’t outrun the worrying. I keep telling myself it’s to be expected. Anxiety is hardly a surprise when you consider that I’m basically pulling my head back out of the sand to stare down an 8-month job search resulting in relocation and an unavoidable job change for me and my spouse. Have I mentioned that I don’t usually handle major transitions particularly well?
So far, though, it’s just fine. When my brain starts getting anxious and reminding me that this level of productivity and stability will inevitably evaporate, I remind myself not to wait around listening for the other shoe to drop. Just do what needs doing right now, and don’t worry about tomorrow any more than necessary. Easier said than done for one who tends toward rumination. But for now, I’m doing more and just saying less. Sorry for the silence, folks – it’s just because I feel so good.