Sometimes it seems like all the dust gets kicked up at once, and it’s utterly bewildering. My days are packed this week, pressure is high, and I won’t get much time to process what’s going on. It’s a perfect storm of All The Things.
Keeping an eye on everything all at once gets overwhelming.
Today and tomorrow, I’m trying to finish up dissertation revisions. This is well in advance of what anyone believed was realistic. The main reason is that I was nominated for a big fancy university dissertation award. Plus the university won’t issue any acknowledgment of my successful defense (needed for postdoc hiring) until the final document is submitted. So I’m racing against the clock and hoping to be done by Tuesday at the latest. Whether I get that done in time or not will dictate the course of the next month, so it’s an enormous chunk of uncertainty to settle.
I have three health-related appointments in the next two days. Three. I start DBT group tomorrow night, about which I’m a bit nervous. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but it’s still another stressor to join another social group while also starting to deal with my mental health issues more intensively. Tuesday I’ll be catching up with Hippie Dude about the last few eventful weeks, and then later that afternoon I’ll be hopping a plane to DC for another business trip. My bags are half packed already – when I unpacked from the last trip, I repacked everything but the clothes.
Last week while I was sitting in the airport in California waiting for my plane, I got a call to set up an intake appointment with the new psychiatrist. It’s still over a week away, but now I’m nervous about that too. Any time you’re getting started with a new mental health provider, it’s a bit nerve-wracking. I’ll be seeing an LPN to start, but I think there’s a possibility that I might actually meet the doctor at some point.
The intake appointment is a full hour, which is a lot more than I got at Dr. Suspicioustwit’s office, so I feel like there’s some hope that they will listen to me. I expect that it will involve going through the whole diagnostic interview all over again, for the 6th time in the last 18 months. In addition to the situational stress (or because of it), I always feel like I’m leaving out some important details during those appointments. I can’t help but worry about what they’re going to make of me, whether they’ll change my meds, etc. Still, I’m glad to finally have an appointment for a new shrink – which only took two months. Just in time, too, because I’ll have under a week of crazy meds left by the time my appointment rolls around.
There’s a lot to juggle right now, and although it’s been building up for some time, it feels like it came out of nowhere. Everything is in flux at the moment, and that’s to be expected, but it’s still a bit overwhelming. My stress levels are already climbing, especially with the dissertation revisions overlapping with another round of travel. I’ll be glad when it’s all said and done.