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Today I have my ADHD evaluation, some computer-based test. And then after the test, another pdoc session where we talk about meds and how I’m feeling.

I’m feeling overwhelmed. Yesterday at my therapy session, my T said I should tell the pdoc about my anxiety. I have been saying for years that I have issues with anxiety, but no one listened. My T asked, how did this go unnoticed for so long? I think it’s because my mood swings have always come first, with respect to things going wrong, and I just wasn’t quite urgent enough or specific enough about the anxiety part.

But now I realize that my symptoms actually do match the diagnostic criteria for anxiety disorders: my heart starts pounding, my guts start wrenching themselves, everything starts seeming a little surreal and very overwhelming, and the whole time, I’m just freaked out. And yes, it’s disabling.

I found out recently that a little diazepam is all I need to get to work some days. Just enough to quiet down the freak-out inside my head and let me do what I need to do. And since I need to be in top performance condition right now–I do have hundreds of pages to write in the next few months, after all–it’s reasonable to think about adding an anxiolytic. So after the long struggle to get on a mood stabilizer, they might still need to add in a couple more things, just to balance out the chemical stew in my brains.

We’ll see what happens – maybe I’ll update this post later today when I find out. But it’s a distinct possibility that in addition to the antidepressant and mood stabilizer, the doc might add in both a stimulant and a benzo.