Well, today I’m feeling the opposite of my last post (title of this post comes from Luscious Jackson’s song, “Mood Swing.”)
My Lamictal dosage increased to 75mg and boy oh boy, do I feel good! When I first started on it, I got this “bump” for a few days, but was so distracted I couldn’t get much done. This time, I’m prepared – took a half-dose of my old ADD meds (I’m supposed to get new ones, any day now…) and while that may be further boosting the hypomania, I need it to focus enough to work. Yesterday I finished a whole short section of a chapter, and I’ll get at least that much done today. When I actually get to work, of course, but I’m “warming up” by writing this.
So what’s a mild hypomania like for me? I took my meds at 8, by 9:30 I was thinking about getting Xmas decorations even though we never do that at my house – too much hassle. Then I started making a necklace, but since it was an impulsive thing, it’s not really going to work; I’ll undo it later and turn the materials into a bracelet. Then I got some writing done, all the while, I kept making notes of things I should do, jumping up to do this or that little task, jotting down projects I could start, people I need to put in touch with one another because I suddenly see this brilliant connection between their work. On the 17-minute walk to campus for a meeting, I wrote a haiku in my head and came up with a clever concept for a knitted hat pattern – my mind was racing, having several conversations with myself at once, leaping from one idea to another before I could even make a mental note of the good ones.
I kept realizing, I’m out of control, but then slipping back into the exciting racing thoughts and ideas. While I waited for my meeting, I tried to just breathe and calm down, because it was starting to get a little overwhelming. I talked a blue streak at my meeting, a fast fast fast update on all the work I got done that morning (which was more than I’ve gotten done in weeks) and the meeting was over in half the time it usually takes. Then I got home and wrote another couple sections of dissertation, again, much quicker than usual. I made homemade cornbread from scratch (wasn’t on the menu) and my fingers practically flew while I worked on knitting a sock for my hubby. He likes it when I’m in these moods – I get “frisky” and he enjoys all the lascivious attention.
This morning, I woke up before my alarm, clear-headed, bright-eyed, ready to work. I’ve been delaying getting started until I’m slightly less distracted (come on meds, kick in already!) but it looks like today is on track for another really productive writing episode. Hurray!
I can’t help it – I love being hypomanic. It’s euphoric and productive for me. It’s when I feel like I’m me, although it’s really a “better version of me” (thanks, Fiona Apple, for that one!) Who doesn’t love feeling in love with the world? It’s great! Unfortunately, it won’t last, but hopefully I’ll get a couple days of good productivity out of this boost before it fades and my body adjusts to the meds again.