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I keep meaning to write a blog post. It nags at my mind, like so many other “shoulds” that I just can’t seem to eradicate except on my best days.

I don’t have carefully developed content for you today, and don’t expect to for a little while to come. February is pretty much always hard on me, but I’ll be traveling to Texas next week, so that will be a good distraction.

All is well, or at least well enough for now. Progress is being made. I got myself a new general practitioner and I’m working on a couple more doctor changes. It seems a bit ridiculous at times, doesn’t it?

The added estrogen and progesterone really do seem to be helping. My PNP says it’ll take about three months for my system to really settle in, but for now, it’s a big improvement because cognitive function is pretty much where it should be.

Emotional function, well, I’m not so sure. It’s kind of interesting to see how sharply emotion and cognition can be divided. Usually it all goes to hell together, or so it has seemed lately. I don’t often get the situation where cognition is good but emotion is…off…

It’s a different sort of uncomfortable. Better, but not right. I can’t quite tell yet whether it’s that slow sinking or flat affect or maybe something else entirely. I can tell that there’s a sharp increase in anxiety; the more functional I am, the more I expect of myself. At least I realize there’s a problem with that, right?

I suspect that the increased estrogen is further suppressing already low lamotrigine levels (per my labs 2 months ago) with the paradoxical effect that as some symptoms improve, others degrade. It’s all so complicated. Bit by bit, it’ll get worked out, but doing that without putting the rest of my life on hold – that seems to be the hard part.

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