Vulnerability is my weak spot. It’s hard to be vulnerable, and harder yet to choose to be vulnerable.
As I compulsively replay everything a million times in my head (I am the Queen of Rumination) I’m reminded of this over and over. I’m constantly discovering that what I thought was normal behavior is actually pretty crazy, often subconsciously designed to protect me from being hurt by eliminating any vestige of vulnerability. Totally normal, really (except that I actually am crazy.)
As I wrote, rewrote, edited, re-edited, reworded, and fretted over the blog contest (seriously, it took over a month) the issue of vulnerability was in the back of my head the whole time. This will make you vulnerable, silly bird. You’re inviting people to make fun of you! I obviously decided I should do it anyway. Vulnerability be damned.
On day 1, I had comments from four sweet, loyal readers, which brought a smile to my face. But two suggestions wasn’t going to make for much of a blog contest — not that I’m expecting to be inundated here.
So I made myself even more vulnerable. On day 2, I hinted that help would be welcome. I really do try to ask for help, but I’m pretty lousy at it so I don’t try very often. As usual, I schooled myself to expect nothing in a futile attempt at self-defense.
And then they tweeted! My blog contest was mentioned by a couple bloggers whom I really respect because their words make me think and feel. Let’s not be coy, though – the first high profile blogger to tweet was Monsieur Le Clown, a maestro of marketing, a blogger among bloggers, l’homme d’un homme. Le Clown was shortly followed by Miz Jen, who is quite possibly the funniest woman I’ve ever not met in person. Both are exceptional bloggers, not only because they do that thing with words really well, but because they are also community builders.
Anyway, I was tickled and feeling the WordPress love. All the more so as hourly visits shot up way past recent levels. Comments from new people! Awesome funny tagline suggestions! Le Clown favorited three of my tweets! The show of support had me grinning all evening – it was like being Internet Famous for 0.15 milliseconds (but not quite as good as being Freshly Pressed.)
Moral of the story? It’s OK to ask for help, and it’s OK to accept it. Being vulnerable isn’t the end of the world, and resisting vulnerability (which is futile anyway) keeps people who would offer compassion at arms’ length.
Many thanks to Eric, Jen, Team Canvas, and the long, long list of bloggers who have shown me enough love to keep me blogging.
P.S. It’s day 3 of the blog contest – go suggest me a tagline!